i just need more time okay.

It’s nearly 3 months since you left, and by now, I've already revisited most of the places we went to. Finally, I can walk around the mall(s) without wanting to throw up or cry, but not without some effort.

I walk around and remember how we used to walk these halls together, hand in hand. I walk further and I come across the bench where we used to sit and just talk and stare at each other, and a few minutes later (or so, it seemed), the mall’s getting ready to close.

I haven’t gotten around to visiting our favorite places, such as our favorite mall and favorite bar, but i might SOON! what worries me is that, I might find out that I’m just pretending to be strong and trying to be okay, and the walls I put up (with so much effort) might just be proven useless if I go to these places.

Maybe this is just me being paranoid. It’s not like I’m still expecting you to turn up at random places. If anything, I know that if I go somewhere — anywhere, I know you won’t be there. It seems that we’ve withdrawn from each other’s lives so much that, if not for the pictures taken of us together, I would have thought by now that you were just a figment of my imagination.

I don’t feel the hurt right now, but I do feel incomplete. I miss having a hand to hold whenever I reach out, someone to hug just because I want to, someone to kiss all day, just because…

A few more months, and I think I would just laugh about this. Well, not really, that’s just me being optimistic (weird). I hope I don’t run into you soon, though  I could not bear to see the look of apathy that will be in your eyes, while the walls, I spent precious tears to build for myself, will just crumble so easily around me.

If I ever see you again, I hope it’s when I don’t remember what we had anymore. by then, I can be sure that I'm strong enough to match that apathetic look on your eyes, say hi, smile and go my own way. I guess, it’s true that all it takes is time. In my case, MORE time…plenty plenty of TIME.

 *originally from justyeontsuj (tumblr)

...

oh God, please help me. I'm feeling the pain again.

                                                                 * :'c

hallelujah!

Hello again blogspot! Oh well, Papa just gave a 2 hours litany to me. I was expecting for that already since I've been out almost every after work and was home at around 1 or 3 in the morning, that late for a 20 young old lady. I know I'm out of bound already, but Im just enjoying this freedom after the ex-boyfriend left me. Papa has been a really cool Dad to me. (sa mga hindi nakakaalam, solong anak ako) and he was really really supportive about everything. I could honestly say that I was spoiled before, but now onti nalang. hehe. I am a Papa's girl and when I'm reminiscing the days when I started to go out with the first serious ex-boyfriend Papa would always comment about my outfits, and here goes the scenario:

Scenario 1

Ria: Bagay ba sakin to? (I was wearing shorts and a simple top back then)

Papa: San ba kayo pupunta ni name ni ex?

Ria: Ewan ko baka sa ATC o kaya sa Paseo.

Papa: Mag dress ka nalang yung dark blue yung suot mo nung nag Nuvali tayo. Mas bagay sayo yun, lalong ma iinlove sa'yo si  name ni ex.

Ria: Okay. (giggles)

Scenario 2

Ria: Papa, nalabhan ata ni Ate Mileng yung skirt ko. Wala ko susuotin. Gusto ko sana 'tong maong kaso ang haba. Di bagay sa damit ko. Gupitin mo naman please?

Papa: Akin na, hiram ka gunting sa Mamsie mo. (Si Mamsie ay kapatid niya na tita ko. Mamsie talaga tawag naming magpipinsan sa kanya)

At nagupit na nga ni Papa ang skirt.

Ria: Papa, mahaba parin.

Papa: Ay nako, kana nga bawasan ko ulit.

Ria: Salamat Papa! :)

Papa was really cool. I remember last week, hinatid at sinundo niya pa talaga ko when we had this girls' night out 2 weeks ago. Masyado lang talaga ko nag eenjoy sa company ng iba ngayong single na ko kaya nakakalimot na ako magtext after work. Kaya di ko na rin napapansin ang oras. hehe. Papa, sorry, magtetext na talaga ako pag gagabihin, ay uumagahin na ako. I love you so much Papa! :)

P.S. Kakauwi ko lang galing pagkakape kasama si Ian (bestfriend ko, again, girl xa ganun lang talaga ang nickname niya) at parang nakita niya ang auto ni ex-boyfriend, at nabanggit niya ito with onting story from facebook (fyi, dineactivate ko ang facebook ko dahil ayaw ko na ng kahit anong info about the ex-boyfriend at ayaw ko na malaman din niya ang mga detalye about sa mga nangyayare sa buhay ko. hehe)  Infareness, wala ng kurot, o sakit. Wala narin akong pinalow up ke Ian unlike before, sagot ko lang "Okay" tas kwentuhan na ulit kami tungkol sa ibang bagay. Hallelujah!! Dapat na ba kong magdiwang?

*feel ko magtagalog ngayon dahil nadala ko sa litanya ni Paps.

goal before 2010 ends.

Since I have been amazed by Miss Chyng's travel blog, I made this list of my must-visit place here in the Philippines before twenty-ten ends. Well, I'm not sure if I can visit all of these places because of the workloads, schedule and budget but I really want to travel now. I want to meet other people, explore and enjoy life. Try new things and enjoy being young. I want to love myself more, regain confidence and love life. =)

Here goes my list:

• Caleruega Church, Tagaytay City

 Even though my Alma mater resides in Dasmariñas,  Cavite which is just an hour away from Tagaytay, I didn't have the chance to visit such wonderful place. My roommate told me that the said place was so silent and serene and you will really find yourself talking to God once you get in there. It's not that accessible compared to other churches nearby that's why I need a private vehicle  to meet the place. I'm looking forward to visiting this place soon. Family will be visiting Tagaytay next week and I'll suggest to Papa that we should visit this place.

• Puerto Galera, Oriental Mindoro

 I'm starting to find new love, and that is the beach. But I only had quality time with beaches in Tanza, Cavite, Nasugbu and Laiya, Batangas. I want to experience watching the sunset in Puerto Galera since this place is known for its incomparable sunset view over other popular beaches in the country. Officemates are planning to visit this beach early September since it offers lean season rates which are cheap and affordable. Sana lang matuloy yung plano, para matuloy kame.

• Calaguas Island, Camarines Norte

Miss Chyng suggested that one of the must visit beach is in Calaguas Island. I don't have any idea what this beach caters to its visitors but looking at this picture answer it all. (Not much details, I'm not really familiar with the place.)

• Palawan

I called Ian, My bestfriend (girl xa, panglalake lang talaga ang nickname niya) last night when I read the blog of  Miss Chyng and tell her that we should make our dream traveling possible now that we're already earning money. I told her that we should go to Bohol or Davao and she said we should rather visit Palawan and Boracay since there are many hot boys there (boy hunting ang gusto ng lola ko).

•  Boracay 

Boy hunting sounds fun. Now that I'm single, It's time to meet new boys for me. Hehe. Anyway, I'm pretty much sure that even if it's lean season this -ber months, people will still be visiting Boracay for it has the most adorable beaches here in the country. Define white sand as it is. (The ex-boyfriend had been there many times. We've been planning to travel kaso student palang kami months ago, kea financially incapable pa. He'd been to Boracay with his family last May and as to his stories, Boracay is really a must visit beach. Dapat kasama ko nung nag beach sila, kaso may trabaho na ko nun. Bat ko pa ba to iniisip. lol)

There you go. Wish me luck in fulfilling this goal. Locally muna ang goal ko, next time abroad na. hehe. I'll keep this site posted if ever I'll be going to this places I've just listed. 

P.S. I want to share this photo, my previous visit at Laiya, Batangas sometime last March, before I got the first job. Me and my friends went snorkeling. And it was really fun and I miss them.

*bigla ako na excite magtravel. tsk. kamiss gantong feeling.
*all pictures was searched from google except for the last one of course.

i'll be over him.

I just don't know what to say or how to start, I'm puzzled about this feeling within me. I'm afraid that someday our paths will cross and I'll be looking at him, and seeing him over me but I'm not over him. I'm afraid to know that he has someone else already, and treats that someone the way he treats me before. I used to be his love, the reason why he wakes up every morning, the reason why he smiles everyday, I used to be. And that was before already. God help me. I hope I would be over this what-ifs-what-should-could-would-have-been feeling. I'm pretty much aware that we're totally over and I know for a fact that we won't be together again. We are just two different persons now, with different lives and different interests. I don't know what I want. I'm just afraid that I will lose him totally. Is this really what he wants? Erase me from his life? Pretend that I don't exist? I adore him for such courage and I envy him. I hope I could be like him, forgetting everything: the memories we used to share and the bond we used to have. I'll be over him soon. I'll pray to God again that his memories won't hunt me today. But that's impossible I know. I can't hardly breathe while writing this. But, I know and I can feel I'll be over him soon. :c 

what happenned?

"I miss us. I miss how we used to be. How we used to talk, smile, laugh. How we used to be real friends who could trust each other with everything. What happened to all that?"

*originally from raindropsonredroses (tumblr) 

save me please.

"I’m on the verge of breaking down. The strength I have to hold myself together is slowly fading away. I just need somebody, somebody to lean on. I feel so alone and I hate it. Save me, please."

*please. =(                   

*originally from raindropsonredroses (tumblr)

it hurts.

I guess being in pain is very simple. You can’t sleep at night. Your brain seems to function every minute of every hour of every day. I have learned lot of things, you can’t hold on to something that isn’t there anymore and no matter how hard you try to have something you really really want, you just can’t have it. Sometimes, two people need break-ups for them to grow up and heartbreak is there for a person to be more matured and stronger. Friends come and go and no matter how hard you try to bug them for your pain and sufferings, they just wouldn’t understand what you are going through. They don’t know how much it hurts. They don’t know how hard it feels. Beneath my smile is the pain of me being left behind by the person I love the most, and I really miss him so much. =(

 *gusto ko lang malaman, anu bang nagawa ko bakit kelangang saktan mo ko ng ganito? ='/

i want to fly to the skies.

"gusto kong maging flight attendant. gusto ko ding magtravel. yung tipong malilibot ko ang buong mundo. gusto kong lumipad. maabot ang langit. parang ang sarap sa feeling. gusto kong makahalubilo ang iba’t ibang klase ng tao, iba’t ibang uri. parang ang saya." - Ria, future flight attendant =)

 *magtratravel talaga ako, sa kahit anong paraan, maglilibot ako sa mundo.

break-ups.

"Breakups, I’ve heard, are supposed to be just that. Breaks. Hard, clean breaks. No talking, no seeing, no touching… keep your hands to yourself. The relationship is over. Half the people I know move on after a huge breakup, and frankly that makes perfect sense to me. You’re not supposed to sleep with the guy who just broke your heart a week ago. Fine. Next time I’m in this situation I’ll cry. Stay in bed and wail. Go to the gym if I can. Call all my friends and burden them with my misery. Sleep too much. Cry some more. See my therapist more often. Get a puppy. Do whatever I have to so eventually I can move on."

*sana maka move on na ko sayo:c
*originally from allglorytogod (tumblr)

a letter to the one that God has prepared for me. (reposted)

I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping..dreaming..longing to meet you.

I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Or how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have every really known "love". I do not have an answer to that question either but I believe that more often than not we will never really know what love is until we find that right person..and since I have not found you yet then maybe I do not really know what love is!

You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways!

I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when that right time comes. I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me - the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice.

After all the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flows so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect - for YOU! I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey.

But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here..patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wound by my love.

At night..I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that for now that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you that I love you.

And this all the more makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as i had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life - and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!

In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don't even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid of getting lost. God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow..lead to me. :)


-from TESTIFY CHRONICLES

*sana dumating ka na.

am i really good at lying?

am I really good at lying?

*originally from raindropsonredroses (tumblr)

let me just release this one.

I can still remember every detail of your face, the way you used to stare at me, your soft-spoken voice, and your heart-melting smile. Every bit of you is still hunting me. There was something about you that made me lose my breath and made my heart skip a beat. The way you looked at me before, it was different, sincere, honest and worthless. I like to think that you sometimes wonder about me, and that you also wished we could hang out again and just share stories about one another. But even if you don’t, it’s okay. You taught me more about life than anyone else, and in return, I can only hope that you know that I am still here for you no matter what. Even if we are not the same person we used to be before.

This is the most hurtful feeling I had felt as of now, and even if I deserve this, I still want to say sorry for everything. To be loved by you was one of the greatest things that ever happened to me and even though you are far away, even though we haven’t talked to each other for quite some time, no one and nothing can take away the memories we used to have. Even if you don’t feel the same, all this time, I have never stopped thinking about you. You are indeed always at the back of my mind, it seems like a part of my heart was really reserved for you. You will always be special to me.  My mind keeps begging my heart to forget about you and my heart is pleading my mind not to think about you. If I could only have one thing in this world, it would be your love again. It would be all that I’ve ever needed. And this time, it would really be for keeps. Don’t ask how I knew. Sometimes you just have to trust your heart.

Maybe someday I will be falling out of love with you; maybe someday I will be able to forget you. Maybe this love will turn to that one who only hungers for friendship and companionship. In that time, things that didn’t work out will fall right into place. I hope that one day; we will be as close as we were before you left me. At the very least, I hope that we can be friends again. Our lives are very much different right now, and things are so different for you and for me. I know that in time, when we least expect it, our paths will just cross and by that time, I will be pushing the hurt, distrust, selfishness and insecurities aside. I will just look at you and smile to you wholeheartedly. I wish you joy, faith, peace, hope and love. Thank you and I will never forget you.

P.S. Even if you’re the only one who made me feel my happiest and also the only one who made me feel wretched, even if I still can’t get over you.. Come to think of it, I am so young to be mourning about something like this. I’ll only be young once and I shouldn’t spend my time thinking about what had happened if I have done this and that. I should be out; I should be enjoying this youthful time with my friends and enjoying my freedom because time is just too precious for me and for you.

 *this was a note made by me weeks ago that was tagged to him (in facebook). this was the  last words i had told him before i finally decided not to run after him ever again. we haven't communicated for a month now and i  just want to share the note here.

hello there blogspot! =)

A friend of mine told me that blogging is really a good therapy for heartbroken persons. I could honestly say that I am really in pain right now. I chose to hide my personal identity and blog here anonymously for me to freely express what I am really feeling as of this moment and in the following days to come. I chose to hide this account from my social networking sites because I guess, I just don't want that particular person know what I am going through after he left me. I'll blog the things that will make me lessen the pain and make my moving on process a lot easier. So, I guess blogspot and I would be having a really good time sharing stories with each other. Well, I do want to introduce myself a bit.. Here it goes:

Hi, I am Ria. 20 years old. Proud to be a Filipina. I just graduated college months ago and is now enjoying my first job in a place where magical experiences happened. And, my favorite color is green. =)