It’s nearly 3 months since you left, and by now, I've already revisited most of the places we went to. Finally, I can walk around the mall(s) without wanting to throw up or cry, but not without some effort.
I walk around and remember how we used to walk these halls together, hand in hand. I walk further and I come across the bench where we used to sit and just talk and stare at each other, and a few minutes later (or so, it seemed), the mall’s getting ready to close.
I haven’t gotten around to visiting our favorite places, such as our favorite mall and favorite bar, but i might SOON! what worries me is that, I might find out that I’m just pretending to be strong and trying to be okay, and the walls I put up (with so much effort) might just be proven useless if I go to these places.
Maybe this is just me being paranoid. It’s not like I’m still expecting you to turn up at random places. If anything, I know that if I go somewhere — anywhere, I know you won’t be there. It seems that we’ve withdrawn from each other’s lives so much that, if not for the pictures taken of us together, I would have thought by now that you were just a figment of my imagination.
I don’t feel the hurt right now, but I do feel incomplete. I miss having a hand to hold whenever I reach out, someone to hug just because I want to, someone to kiss all day, just because…
A few more months, and I think I would just laugh about this. Well, not really, that’s just me being optimistic (weird). I hope I don’t run into you soon, though I could not bear to see the look of apathy that will be in your eyes, while the walls, I spent precious tears to build for myself, will just crumble so easily around me.
If I ever see you again, I hope it’s when I don’t remember what we had anymore. by then, I can be sure that I'm strong enough to match that apathetic look on your eyes, say hi, smile and go my own way. I guess, it’s true that all it takes is time. In my case, MORE time…plenty plenty of TIME.
*originally from justyeontsuj (tumblr)